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The Survey • When was the last time you used a spork? today sometime this month within the year over a year ago never/not that I recall • Want to take the next survey? Click HERE for Survey III. Be My Friend ...on Facebook! Join EvilPasta's growing group of Facebook friends! Friend EvilPasta's Facebook profile here. You'll get to join a social network of other EvilPasta freaks just like you! Plus, you'll get to go behind the scenes a little bit and get access to some special fun little EvilPasta-related things.

	"Who put the violin in the violin case?" famous last words of a mafia hitman

	Where Is EvilPasta? Ames, IA door #4850 Helser Residence Hall, Iowa State University May 2k4

This Month's Articles...

	10 Accident Reports Interesting actual statements from insurance forms where car drivers tried to summarize accident details in as few words as possible.

	Gasoline Conservation for Dummies Save gas: As summer driving season approaches, let's think about how to save big bucks on gasoline.

	It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

	Clever Students, Clever Teachers We bring you these reports in a never-ending race of wits between students and teachers as the two groups strive to out-smart eachother.

	Story of Proud Hick from Melcher, IA Designated driver? No way. Only a person from Iowa could think of this...

	How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

	In The News: Indian Eunuchs Help Collect Taxes Actual stories... More of the latest news that actually happened and was actually reported in the news from the EvilPasta News archives.

	Application for Jerry Springer Show Want to be on the Jerry Springer Show? Here's what we presume to be a sample application.

	News Headlines Not Worth Printing: • Man Run Over by Freight Train Dies [The Los Angeles Times, March 2] • Teen-Age Girls Often Have Babies Fathered By Men [The Sunday Oregonian, September 24] • Man Shoots Neighbor With Machete [The Miami Herald, July 3] • Clinton Pledges Restraint In Use Of Nuclear Weapons [Cedar Rapids Gazette, April 6] • How We Feel About Ourselves Is The Core Of Self-Esteem, Says Author Louise Hart [Boulder, Colorado, Sunday Camera, February 5] • Fish Lurk In Streams [Rochester, New York, Democrat & Chronicle, January 29]

	"Britain is not an island...well, yes it is, but..." Unidentified MP on BBC Radio 4

	Be an EvilPasta Contributor! EvilPasta is looking for people with a good sense of humor, a spark of creativity, and a hint of randomness to act as regular contributors to our madness. Can you think of some funny things you'd like to see on EvilPasta.com? Then you might be just right for the EvilPasta team! Join the EvilPasta team, and be among a select group of contributors who posess the creative and comical talents needed to make it into EvilPasta.com! You'll have access to contribute your funny thoughts, and then get credit for them when they're published. Apply HERE, and we'll send you further information so that you can log in and test your pasta genius. The positions are currently only volunteer, but we promise plenty of recognition, and some sort of fun little compensation in the future. Apply HERE!