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The Survey • Have you ever nuked anything other than food in a microwave? ...Exclude kitchenwares necessary for the microwaving of food, of course (ex. tupperware, plates, bowls, paper towels, etc.) yes no • Want to take the next survey? Click HERE for Survey II. *you*@EvilPasta.com? Tired of junk mail and unreliable e-mail providers? Just want a cool e-mail address? Sign up TODAY for your very own EvilPasta.com e-mail account!

	"Who put the violin in the violin case?" famous last words of a mafia hitman

	Where Is EvilPasta? Hoover Dam, AZ/NV overlooking Lake Mead on the Arizona/Nevada state line Lake Mead Nat'l Recreation Area May 2k4

This Month's Articles...

	10 Accident Reports Interesting actual statements from insurance forms where car drivers tried to summarize accident details in as few words as possible.

	Gasoline Conservation for Dummies Save gas: As summer driving season approaches, let's think about how to save big bucks on gasoline.

	It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

	Clever Students, Clever Teachers We bring you these reports in a never-ending race of wits between students and teachers as the two groups strive to out-smart eachother.

	Story of Proud Hick from Melcher, IA Designated driver? No way. Only a person from Iowa could think of this...

	How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

	In The News: Indian Eunuchs Help Collect Taxes Actual stories... More of the latest news that actually happened and was actually reported in the news from the EvilPasta News archives.

	Application for Jerry Springer Show Want to be on the Jerry Springer Show? Here's what we presume to be a sample application.

	News Headlines Not Worth Printing: • Man Run Over by Freight Train Dies [The Los Angeles Times, March 2] • Teen-Age Girls Often Have Babies Fathered By Men [The Sunday Oregonian, September 24] • Man Shoots Neighbor With Machete [The Miami Herald, July 3] • Clinton Pledges Restraint In Use Of Nuclear Weapons [Cedar Rapids Gazette, April 6] • How We Feel About Ourselves Is The Core Of Self-Esteem, Says Author Louise Hart [Boulder, Colorado, Sunday Camera, February 5] • Fish Lurk In Streams [Rochester, New York, Democrat & Chronicle, January 29]

	"Britain is not an island...well, yes it is, but..." Unidentified MP on BBC Radio 4

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