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Customer Support
This is a true story from the "WordPerfect Helpline" which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired. However, he is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause."
Help Desk: "Rich Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Help Desk: "What sort of trouble?"
Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Help Desk: "Went away?"
Customer: "They disappeared."
Help Desk: "Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Customer: "Nothing."
Help Desk: "Nothing?"
Customer: "It's a blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Help Desk: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Customer: "How do I tell?"
Help Desk: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Help Desk: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Help Desk: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Customer: "What's a monitor?"
Help Desk: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Customer: "I don't know."
Help Desk: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Customer: "Yes, I think so."
Help Desk: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Customer: "Yes, it is."
Help Desk: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Customer: "No."
Help Desk: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Customer: "Okay, here it is."
Help Desk: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Customer: "I can't reach."
Help Desk: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Customer: "No."
Help Desk: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Customer: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark."
Help Desk: "Dark?"
Customer: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Help Desk: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Customer: "I can't."
Help Desk: "No? Why not?"
Customer: "Because there's a power failure."
Help Desk: "A power.......a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Customer: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Help Desk: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Customer: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Help Desk: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Customer: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Help Desk: "Tell them you're too [expletive adjective] stupid to own a computer." Have a super day!
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