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The Survey • When was the last time you used a spork? today sometime this month within the year over a year ago never/not that I recall • Want to take the next survey? Click HERE for Survey III. Be a Contributor! Got a good sense of humor, spark of creativity, and a hint of randomness? Be a contributor to the madness! If you can think of funny things you'd like to see on EvilPasta.com, you're just right for the EvilPasta team. Be among a select group of contributors who posess the creative and comical talents needed to make it into EvilPasta.com! You'll have access to contribute your funny thoughts, and then get credit for them when they're published. Apply HERE, and we'll send you further info so you can join in and test your pasta genius.

	EvilPasta Archive Miss a week of EvilPasta? Afraid you've passed up something good? Don't worry... you've come to just the place to catch it all... whether it's a second chance, or just for the first time. This is where EvilPasta stores all of our previous weeks' issues. The following is a full Table of Contents for all articles appearing in past issues of EvilPasta.com ordered by edition number. Links go directly to the article. Choose an issue or individual article to read: Edition #15 - August 2k6 Stupid Student Essays Classified Ads Price of Fame More Murphy's Law 101 The Pirate Alien Transmission 15 Amusing Irrelevant Facts Edition #14 - November 2k5 Cable Company Calls Woman Nasty Name On Bill Farmer Sows Corn In Search For Love: Man Plants Personal Ad In Corn Stupidity or Irony? 12 More Great Metaphors and Similes Letters to Landlords 15 Ways To Annoy Men U.K. Soldiers Serving In War To Get Germ-Fighting Underwear Edition #13 - August 2k5 GM's Brilliant Airbag Contest Frustrated Robber Leaves After Cashier Laughs At His Mask New Way to Get That Job George Costanza's Tips for Working New Element Discovered Maybe You Should Just Stay Home Amusing Irrelevant Facts Edition #12 - June 2k5 All-Purpose Apology Form 15 Greatest Metaphors and Similes Car Thief Caught After Falling Asleep DEA Agent Shoots Self in Gun Safety Class As Much Use As... Advertising Slogans Edition #11 - January 2k5 The Final Exam Grading Final Exams Cartoon Laws of Physics What Professors Say and What They Really Mean Fresh Hope for Fat Bunnies 20 More Ways To Be Annoying 15 Ways To Deal With Stress Edition #10 - August 2k4 Best and Worst Comments Taken From MIT Course Evaluation Guide Fraternity Blows Cannon Into Apartments Murphy's Law 101 Driving Test Bloopers Computer Lies Computers & Electronics as Depicted in Movies 20 Amusing Irrelevant Facts Edition #9 - June 2k4 15 "My First Book" Children's Books That Never Got Printed 15 Ways To Get Rid of a Blind Date As Much Use As... Some Zagat Restaurant Survey Comments Too Acidic for Regular Consumption 15 More Ways To Deal With Stress Stupid Criminals: Bank Robber Forgets His Cash Edition #8 - April 2k4 Position Open: Mother Ways To Be Annoying Murphy's Technology Laws How To Get Away With Speeding Ways To Be Offensive At A Funeral Edition #7 - March 2k4 Murphy's Law 101 Punch Lines: Beethoven Nice Try At English Carjacking Foiled Pass This Test From The News: Much Ado About Nothing at Edinburgh Fringe 7 Rules Of Business Edition #6 - February 2k4 Courtroom Bloopers Diary Of A Snow Shoveler 10 Signs You Need A New Computer 20 Ways To Go Insane Inspirational Posters For The Cubicle Era 15 Ways To Deal With Stress Letter To A Future Son-In-Law Edition #5 - December 2k3 You Haven't Made the Short List More Murphy's Law 101 Declaration of Independence Layman's Glossary of Computer Terms Playing Dirty With the Competition 15 Ways To Confuse Your Roomate 10 More Ways to Confuse Your Professor Edition #4 - September 2k3 Airline Humour Church Bulletin Board Bloopers Courtroom Bloopers Signs You Bought A Bad Car Murphy's Military Law (cont'd.) Only In America Edition #3 - August 2k3 Customer Support Murphy's Military Law Another 10 Fun Things To Do When Driving Interesting News Network 9 Ways To Be Offensive At A Funeral You Know You're Living In 2003 When... Edition #2 - July 2k3 10 Fun Things To Do When Driving 5 More Ways To Confuse Your Professor Murphy's Law 101 10 Ways To Get Rid Of A Blind Date The Seeing Eye Pilot How To Drive In A College Town Edition #1 - Friday, July 18, 2k3 (sorry, not yet available)

This Month's Articles...

	10 Accident Reports Interesting actual statements from insurance forms where car drivers tried to summarize accident details in as few words as possible.

	Gasoline Conservation for Dummies Save gas: As summer driving season approaches, let's think about how to save big bucks on gasoline.

	It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

	Clever Students, Clever Teachers We bring you these reports in a never-ending race of wits between students and teachers as the two groups strive to out-smart eachother.

	Story of Proud Hick from Melcher, IA Designated driver? No way. Only a person from Iowa could think of this...

	How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

	In The News: Indian Eunuchs Help Collect Taxes Actual stories... More of the latest news that actually happened and was actually reported in the news from the EvilPasta News archives.

	Application for Jerry Springer Show Want to be on the Jerry Springer Show? Here's what we presume to be a sample application.

	News Headlines Not Worth Printing: • Man Run Over by Freight Train Dies [The Los Angeles Times, March 2] • Teen-Age Girls Often Have Babies Fathered By Men [The Sunday Oregonian, September 24] • Man Shoots Neighbor With Machete [The Miami Herald, July 3] • Clinton Pledges Restraint In Use Of Nuclear Weapons [Cedar Rapids Gazette, April 6] • How We Feel About Ourselves Is The Core Of Self-Esteem, Says Author Louise Hart [Boulder, Colorado, Sunday Camera, February 5] • Fish Lurk In Streams [Rochester, New York, Democrat & Chronicle, January 29]