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	Application for Jerry Springer Show Last name:   ________________ First name: (Check appropriate box) (_) Billy-Bob (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack What does everyone call you? (_) Booger (_) Bubba (_) Junior (_) Sissy (_) Other   ___________________ Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)   _____ Not sure Shoe Size:   ____ Left   ____ Right Occupation: (Check appropriate box) (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair Dresser (_) Unemployed (_) Dirty Politician (_) Preacher (_) Strip Dancer (_) Hooker Spouse's Name:   _________________________ 2nd Spouse's Name:   ______________________ 3rd Spouse's Name:   ______________________ Lover's Name:   ___________________________ Relationship with spouse: (Check appropriate box) (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet Number of children living in household:   _____ Number of children living in shed:   ______ Numbers that are yours:   ______ Mother's Name:   _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank) Father's Name:   _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank) Education:   1  2  3  4 (Circle highest grade completed) Total number of vehicles you own:   ___ Number of vehicles that still crank:   ___ Number of vehicles in front yard:   ___ Number of vehicles in back yard:   ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks:   ___ Do you have a gun rack?   _____ If no, please explain: Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_) The National Enquirer (_) The Globe (_) TV Guide (_) Soap Opera Digest (_) Rifle and Shotgun Number of times you've seen a UFO:   _____ Number of times in the last 5 years you've seen Elvis:   _____ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO:   _____ How often do you bathe: (_) Weekly (_) Monthly (_) Not Applicable Color of eyes: Right _____   Left _____ Color of hair: (_) Blond (_) Black (_) Red (_) Brown (_) White (_) Clairol Color of teeth: (_) Yellow (_) Brownish-Yellow (_) Brown (_) Black (_) N/A Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_) Red-Man How far is your home from a paved road? (_) 1 mile (_) 2 miles (_) Just a whoop-and-a-holler! (_) road?

This Month's Articles...

	10 Accident Reports Interesting actual statements from insurance forms where car drivers tried to summarize accident details in as few words as possible.

	Gasoline Conservation for Dummies Save gas: As summer driving season approaches, let's think about how to save big bucks on gasoline.

	It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

	Clever Students, Clever Teachers We bring you these reports in a never-ending race of wits between students and teachers as the two groups strive to out-smart eachother.

	Story of Proud Hick from Melcher, IA Designated driver? No way. Only a person from Iowa could think of this...

	How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

	In The News: Indian Eunuchs Help Collect Taxes Actual stories... More of the latest news that actually happened and was actually reported in the news from the EvilPasta News archives.

	Application for Jerry Springer Show Want to be on the Jerry Springer Show? Here's what we presume to be a sample application.

	News Headlines Not Worth Printing: • Man Run Over by Freight Train Dies [The Los Angeles Times, March 2] • Teen-Age Girls Often Have Babies Fathered By Men [The Sunday Oregonian, September 24] • Man Shoots Neighbor With Machete [The Miami Herald, July 3] • Clinton Pledges Restraint In Use Of Nuclear Weapons [Cedar Rapids Gazette, April 6] • How We Feel About Ourselves Is The Core Of Self-Esteem, Says Author Louise Hart [Boulder, Colorado, Sunday Camera, February 5] • Fish Lurk In Streams [Rochester, New York, Democrat & Chronicle, January 29]

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