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	15 Greatest Metaphors and Similes • McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. • The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. • Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. • Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. • His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. • He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. • She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. • Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. • The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. • Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. • They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. • John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. • Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. • The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. • The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr. Pepper can.

This Month's Articles...

	All-Purpose Apology Form The most effective method of apology for your next great stupid mistake!

	15 Greatest Metaphors and Similes Here are some not-so-elegantly-put metaphors and similes formulated by the brightest of our students... or at least some very creative ones, at that.

	Fat-free muffins taste a lot better if you put gobs of butter on them.

	Car Thief Caught After Falling Asleep It wasn't hard for the Mounties to get their man in a car theft, even though it had not been reported.

	DEA Agent Shoots Self in Gun Safety Class The Drug Enforcement Administration agent was speaking to about 50 adults and students organized by the Orlando Minority Youth Golf Association, witnesses and police said.

	Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards. NAÏVE

	As Much Use As... This web site is as much use as a snowplow in Bangkok ...and other similar useful expressions.

	Advertising Slogans Ever wonder what all that advertising lingo really means?

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