Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Handy guide to modern science:
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The Survey III
How many separate windows adorn the room you are currently occupying?
Completed all of EvilPasta's surveys for this month? Want to go back and look at running results?
What Professors Say and What They Really Mean
This needs some minor revision.
[I never actually got around to reading this.]
Ten percent of your grade is based on class participation.
[I'll be fudging your grades.]
This won't be on the test.
[Nap time!]
I don't have the latest department guidelines
[I've got my head up my butt.]
Not much is known about
[I don't know anything about
]
Don't come in late during my lecture.
[I have the attention span of a fruit fly.]
Let's break up into quiet discussion groups.
[I have a hangover.]
Let's have class outdoors today!
[I had beans for lunch.]
You won't be able to sell the text back to the bookstore.
[My contract wasn't picked up.]
Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade.
[I'm so boring that no one would show up otherwise.]
Read chapters 5 through 10.
[I'm not coming in at all next week.]
Let's go over the exam.
[Half of you failed.]
This Month's Articles...
The Final Exam
EvilPasta University brings you the ULTIMATE final exam. Good luck...
Grading Final Exams
A list of the ways professors here at the American University grade their final exams.
Abbie Hoffman
Cartoon Laws of Physics
The basic laws of physics change completely when we're in the cartoon world...
What Professors Say and What They Really Mean
Language that professors commonly use deciphered for the layman.
15 Ways To Deal With Stress
Whimfully helpful stress-management tips... try these!
20 More Ways To Be Annoying
Let's do society a favor by exposing new inventive ways to annoy the heck out of people.
* If it's green or wriggles, it's biology.
* If it stinks, it's chemistry.
* If it doesn't work, it's physics.
Fresh Hope for Fat Bunnies
LONDON (Apr 28 2004, Reuters): The dangers of obesity to kids may be all over the headlines, but spare a thought for the legions of fat rabbits-- overfed and under-exercised by their doting owners.
