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	What Professors Say and What They Really Mean • This needs some minor revision. • [I never actually got around to reading this.] • Ten percent of your grade is based on class participation. • [I'll be fudging your grades.] • This won't be on the test. • [Nap time!] • I don't have the latest department guidelines… • [I've got my head up my butt.] • Not much is known about… • [I don't know anything about…] • Don't come in late during my lecture. • [I have the attention span of a fruit fly.] • Let's break up into quiet discussion groups. • [I have a hangover.] • Let's have class outdoors today! • [I had beans for lunch.] • You won't be able to sell the text back to the bookstore. • [My contract wasn't picked up.] • Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade. • [I'm so boring that no one would show up otherwise.] • Read chapters 5 through 10. • [I'm not coming in at all next week.] • Let's go over the exam. • [Half of you failed.]

This Month's Articles...

	The Final Exam EvilPasta University brings you the ULTIMATE final exam. Good luck...

	Grading Final Exams A list of the ways professors here at the American University grade their final exams.

	Don't force it; get a larger hammer. Abbie Hoffman

	Cartoon Laws of Physics The basic laws of physics change completely when we're in the cartoon world...

	What Professors Say and What They Really Mean Language that professors commonly use deciphered for the layman.

	A closed mouth gathers no feet.

	15 Ways To Deal With Stress Whimfully helpful stress-management tips... try these!

	20 More Ways To Be Annoying Let's do society a favor by exposing new inventive ways to annoy the heck out of people.

	Handy guide to modern science: * If it's green or wriggles, it's biology. * If it stinks, it's chemistry. * If it doesn't work, it's physics.

	Fresh Hope for Fat Bunnies LONDON (Apr 28 2004, Reuters): The dangers of obesity to kids may be all over the headlines, but spare a thought for the legions of fat rabbits-- overfed and under-exercised by their doting owners.

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