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Feedback Your feedback will be used to learn how well-liked this article is in comparison to others. • How funny was this article? Use a scale of 5 stars. 5 - bust-your-gut hilarious 4 - quite good 3 - good 2 - average/fair 1 - not good 0 - terrible The Survey • Which cheese do you prefer? American Blue Cheese Cheddar Colby Jack Cottage Cheese Cream Cheese Fetta Gouda Monterey Jack Mozzarella Muenster Parmesan Provolone Ricotta Romano Swiss • Would you like to take the next survey? Click HERE for Survey II. Be a Contributor! Got a good sense of humor, spark of creativity, and a hint of randomness? Be a contributor to the madness! If you can think of funny things you'd like to see on EvilPasta.com, you're just right for the EvilPasta team. Be among a select group of contributors who posess the creative and comical talents needed to make it into EvilPasta.com! You'll have access to contribute your funny thoughts, and then get credit for them when they're published. Apply HERE, and we'll send you further info so you can join in and test your pasta genius.

	Some Zagat Restaurant Survey Comments Too Acidic for Regular Consumption (May 2 2004, Hartford Courant) The Zagat Surveys are based on the opinions of more than 250,000 respondents worldwide. Zagat's Web site has a special section of caustic remarks about restaurants that the company's lawyers wouldn't let them print if they named the restaurants. These include: • "Not even the belly dancer could convince me to go back." • "At least the cockroach enjoyed my salad." • "I saw a woman lick sauce off her husband's elbow." • "Duck must have had a long flight—tired, tough, and took 90 minutes to arrive." • "Portions so small I started laughing—prices so high I started crying." • "Eat the crayons. They taste like the calamari." • "Abandon taste buds all ye who enter here." • "Have yet to learn that heat is an integral part of the cooking process." • "Someone please close this restaurant. The food is as old as the customers." • "The lobsters and shellfish on the plate are livelier than the clientele." • "The stench of testosterone and desperation doesn't quite cover up the fact that this place stinks." • "'Breaking bread' should not mean you have to use the side of the table." • "My Russian mother makes better French food." • "Should shut down the restaurant and just serve the view." • "I think one of the ceramic pigs that adorn the walls could have given better service." • "The waiter flipped our pizza onto the floor, face down. He scooped it back up and told us it was OK."

	Picture Of The Month Sometimes you have to wonder about these fortunes.

	15 "My First Book" Children's Books That Never Got Printed You shouldn't have trouble imagining why these books didn't make it into your local children's bookstore.

	Some Zagat Restaurant Survey Comments Too Acidic for Regular Consumption Based on the opinions of over 250,000 respondents, the Zagat Restaurant Survey provides some caustic remarks that the company's lawyers wouldn't let them print if they named the restaurants. Some are included within...

	It is not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.

	As Much Use As... Twenty creative suggestions for insluting "You're as much use as..." expressions to work into your vocabulary.

	Stupid Criminals: Bank Robber Forgets His Cash Proudly delivering your regular dose of stupid criminal acts, we have this news item for you from Des Moines, Iowa.

	Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead. Anamaniacs

	15 Ways To Get Rid of a Blind Date This is the kind of behavior that adds character! Use these suggestions only as a last resort... or as common practice... whatever suits you.

	15 More Ways To Deal With Stress Your second therapist was reluctant to suggest these coping methods to you. Again, we weren't.

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