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Feedback Your feedback will be used to learn how well-liked this article is in comparison to others. • How funny was this article? Use a scale of 5 stars. 5 - bust-your-gut hilarious 4 - quite good 3 - good 2 - average/fair 1 - not good 0 - terrible The Survey III • Which handwriting instrument do you prefer? traditional pencil mechanical pencil colored pencil ballpoint pen gel pen felt-tip pen fountain pen sharpie marker crayon • Have you completed all of EvilPasta's surveys for this month? Want to go back and look at running results? Click HERE to view Survey I. Be a Contributor! Got a good sense of humor, spark of creativity, and a hint of randomness? Be a contributor to the madness! If you can think of funny things you'd like to see on EvilPasta.com, you're just right for the EvilPasta team. Be among a select group of contributors who posess the creative and comical talents needed to make it into EvilPasta.com! You'll have access to contribute your funny thoughts, and then get credit for them when they're published. Apply HERE, and we'll send you further info so you can join in and test your pasta genius.

	As Much Use As... • A one legged man in an arse-kicking contest. • Pamela Anderson on a Boggle team. • A flammable fire extinguisher. • A neon pink secret door. • A blind lifeguard. • A revolving basement restaurant. • Objective journalism. • Water-proof tea bags. • An ejector seat in a helicopter. • Braille speedometers. • A pogo stick in a swamp. • A box of matches in the desert. • An ashtray on a motorbike. • A snooze button on a smoke alarm. • A powerboat in the Sahara. • A trap door on a lifeboat. • Granite sugar cubes. • A moped exercycle. • A suit of armour to a long-distance swimmer. • Economy car conversion—fiberglass VW body on a Porsche chassis.

	Picture Of The Month Sometimes you have to wonder about these fortunes.

	15 "My First Book" Children's Books That Never Got Printed You shouldn't have trouble imagining why these books didn't make it into your local children's bookstore.

	Some Zagat Restaurant Survey Comments Too Acidic for Regular Consumption Based on the opinions of over 250,000 respondents, the Zagat Restaurant Survey provides some caustic remarks that the company's lawyers wouldn't let them print if they named the restaurants. Some are included within...

	It is not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.

	As Much Use As... Twenty creative suggestions for insluting "You're as much use as..." expressions to work into your vocabulary.

	Stupid Criminals: Bank Robber Forgets His Cash Proudly delivering your regular dose of stupid criminal acts, we have this news item for you from Des Moines, Iowa.

	Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead. Anamaniacs

	15 Ways To Get Rid of a Blind Date This is the kind of behavior that adds character! Use these suggestions only as a last resort... or as common practice... whatever suits you.

	15 More Ways To Deal With Stress Your second therapist was reluctant to suggest these coping methods to you. Again, we weren't.

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