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	Ways To Be Offensive At A Funeral Here are additional Ways To Be Offensive At A Funeral found in previous issues of Evil Pasta: • Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens. • Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first. • Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased. • At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo. • Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it. • Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone poor who can't afford firewood. • Tell everyone you're from the IRS and you're confiscating the coffin for back-taxes. • Use the deceased's tongue to lick a stamp. • Take up a collection to pay off the deceased's gambling debts. • When no-one's looking, slip plastic vampire-teeth into the deceased's mouth. • Toss a handful of cooked rice on the deceased and scream "MAGGOTS! MAGGOTS!" and pretend to faint. • Ask the widow for money which the deceased owes you. • Ask the widow if you can have the body to practice tattooing on. • Put Crazy Glue on the deceased's lips just before the widow's last kiss. • At the cemetery take bets on how long it takes a body to decompose. • Circulate a petition to have the body stuffed instead of buried. • Promise the minister a hundred dollars if he doesn't keep a straight face while praising the deceased. • Show up at the funeral service in a clown suit.

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	Ways To Be Offensive At A Funeral Somebody might appreciate this... or not...

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