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The Survey • How far is your home from the nearest true-to-God Italian restaurant? Sorry, but Americanized pizza joints do not apply. Olive Garden is acceptable. Fazoli's is not. less than a city block [practically next door] ten city blocks [1 mile/1½km] thirty city blocks [3 miles/5km] ten miles [16km] further than ten miles [16km] I haven’t the slightest clue • Would you like to take the next survey? Click HERE for Issue 5's Survey II. Find One? Did EvilPasta visit your neighborhood?. Tell EvilPasta HERE. Your discovery will be added to the EvilPasta Sightings collection here on EvilPasta.com... and it'll be credited to you. Wanna go all out? Then document your discovery. Take a picture (or two) and SEND it to EvilPasta.

	Playing Dirty With the Competition A scientist was talking to God, and said, "God, we don't really need you anymore. We can make Man ourselves." God was somewhat amused, but soberly replied, "Oh, really?" The scientist said, "Yes. As a matter of fact, why don't we have a contest to see who can make a man faster, you or us." So God agreed. The scientist went back to his friends and told them about the contest. Naturally, they were very excited, and rushed into their lab to begin making preparations. They set up their equipment, mixed their chemicals, and drew up the plans for the Man they were going to create. After those preparations were complete, they went outside with their shovels and started filling up a wheelbarrow with dirt, which was the main ingredient for making a Man. As they were rolling the wheelbarrow back to the lab, a bolt of lightning struck the ground nearby, making them spill the contents of the wheelbarrow. Looking up at God, one of the scientists exclaimed, "What was that for?" God replied, "Get your own dirt."

	Picture Of The Week But shhh... it's a secret!

	The next time your job prospects seem grim, keep in mind you're probably up against this sort of individual... You Haven't Made the Short List

	More Murphy's Law 101 For your benefit, EvilPasta offers this additional crash course on Murphy's Law and its wide array of applications. Be enlightened.

	"The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children." —King Edward VIII

	Declaration of Independence A management analyst's critical response to the Declaration of Independence.

	Where an Apple is nothing more than gravity fruit. Layman's Glossary of Computer Terms

	I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

	A scientist was talking to God, and said, "God, we don't really need you anymore. We can make Man ourselves..." Playing Dirty With the Competition

	15 Ways To Confuse Your Roomate Whatever your reasoning or purpose may be, you should find this practical guide peculiarly useful.

	Army Basic Training for the Barney Generation: "Remember, soldiers, after you pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is no longer your friend."

	10 More Ways to Confuse Your Professor Once again, EvilPasta insists that there's no excuse for boredom in the college classroom. Try these on for size the next time you find yourself desperate for entertainment. Your professor will love you for it.

	EvilPasta's Hot Plate... Contribute! EvilPasta is looking for people with a good sense of humor, a spark of creativity, and a hint of randomness to act as regular contributors to our madness. The positions are currently only volunteer, but we promise plenty of recognition, and some sort of fun little compensation in the future. To Apply, simply fill out the short form at EvilPasta's Hot Plate. Click HERE!

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