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The Survey • How far is your home from the nearest true-to-God Italian restaurant? Sorry, but Americanized pizza joints do not apply. Olive Garden is acceptable. Fazoli's is not. less than a city block [practically next door] ten city blocks [1 mile/1½km] thirty city blocks [3 miles/5km] ten miles [16km] further than ten miles [16km] I haven’t the slightest clue • Would you like to take the next survey? Click HERE for Issue 5's Survey II. The EvilPasta Mailing List When is the next issue of EvilPasta??? Join the EvilPasta mailing list and receive a message in your inbox the moment the latest issue of EvilPasta is available! Get special deals and discounts inside the monthly mailing available only to subscribers! Don't be left in the dark. Don't miss a thing. Sign up HERE!

	Layman's Glossary of Computer Terms Apple .......... Gravity fruit Barcode .......... Rules at the local pub Baud .......... Beach crowd obsession Boot Up .......... Press for snowy weather Bug .......... An old volkswagon Bus .......... Cheaper than a plane Byte .......... What the dog did to the mail carrier Cache .......... No checks accepted Chip .......... A type of chocolate used in cookies Computer Terminal .......... Call a mortician Crash .......... To attend a party uninvited Diskette .......... Brief disco revival Fax .......... What every criminal investigator wants Garbage In/Garbage Out .......... Day at the landfill Hacker .......... Cough drops are the remedy Hard Copy .......... Tabloid TV show IBM .......... In Between Marriages Mac .......... Everyone's favorite fast food Megahertz .......... Take a Tylenol Modem .......... Why lawns look good Mousepad .......... Disneyland Novell .......... International peace prize On-Line .......... Sobriety test Optic Fiber .......... Food that improves vision PC .......... Politically correct Programmer .......... English teacher's attitude Remote .......... Change watch around castle ROM .......... Capital of Italy Serial Port .......... Breakfast wine Silicon Valley .......... Where breast implants are made Superconductor .......... Railroad employee of the month

	Picture Of The Week But shhh... it's a secret!

	The next time your job prospects seem grim, keep in mind you're probably up against this sort of individual... You Haven't Made the Short List

	More Murphy's Law 101 For your benefit, EvilPasta offers this additional crash course on Murphy's Law and its wide array of applications. Be enlightened.

	"The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children." —King Edward VIII

	Declaration of Independence A management analyst's critical response to the Declaration of Independence.

	Where an Apple is nothing more than gravity fruit. Layman's Glossary of Computer Terms

	I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

	A scientist was talking to God, and said, "God, we don't really need you anymore. We can make Man ourselves..." Playing Dirty With the Competition

	15 Ways To Confuse Your Roomate Whatever your reasoning or purpose may be, you should find this practical guide peculiarly useful.

	Army Basic Training for the Barney Generation: "Remember, soldiers, after you pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is no longer your friend."

	10 More Ways to Confuse Your Professor Once again, EvilPasta insists that there's no excuse for boredom in the college classroom. Try these on for size the next time you find yourself desperate for entertainment. Your professor will love you for it.

	EvilPasta's Hot Plate... Contribute! EvilPasta is looking for people with a good sense of humor, a spark of creativity, and a hint of randomness to act as regular contributors to our madness. The positions are currently only volunteer, but we promise plenty of recognition, and some sort of fun little compensation in the future. To Apply, simply fill out the short form at EvilPasta's Hot Plate. Click HERE!

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