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The Survey
How far is your home from the nearest true-to-God Italian restaurant? Sorry, but Americanized pizza joints do not apply. Olive Garden is acceptable. Fazoli's is not.
Would you like to take the next survey?
Click HERE for Issue 5's Survey II.
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Now on Facebook!
Are you on Facebook?
So is EvilPasta.
Friend EvilPasta's Facebook profile here.
You'll get to join a social network of other EvilPasta freaks just like you! Plus, you'll get to go behind the scenes a little bit and get access to some special fun little EvilPasta-related things.
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More Murphy's Law 101
Here are some of Murphy's Military Laws found in previous issues of Evil Pasta:
If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
Friendly fire ain't.
The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
The following is an extension of Murphy's Law 101 found in previous issues of Evil Pasta:
If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Murphy's Constant: Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
Murphy's Law of Copiers: The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics: Things get worse under pressure.
Corollary of Inverse Distances: The farther away from the entrance that you have to park, the closer the space vacated by the car that pulls away as you walk up to the door.
Approval Seeker's Law: Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.
Law of Civilization: It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.
Army Axiom: Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.
Army Law: If it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move, pick it up; if you can't pick it up, paint it.
Consumer's Rule: Never decide to buy something while listening to the salesman.
Newspaper Obituary Law: If you want your name spelled wrong, die.
Comment on Power and Influence: Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Astrology Law: It's always the wrong time of the month.
Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer
provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.
The Pyramid Progression: The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of (1) a date, (2) his wife, and (3) a better looking and richer male friend.
Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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10 More Ways to Confuse Your Professor
Once again, EvilPasta insists that there's no excuse for boredom in the college classroom. Try these on for size the next time you find yourself desperate for entertainment. Your professor will love you for it.
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![But shhh... it's a secret! [Click To Enlarge]](graphics/secret.jpg)