According to statistics from a recent poll, 22% of EvilPasta readers claim to have not brushed their teeth in at least three days. Only you know how true that may be...
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The Survey • How far is your home from the nearest true-to-God Italian restaurant? Sorry, but Americanized pizza joints do not apply. Olive Garden is acceptable. Fazoli's is not. less than a city block [practically next door] ten city blocks [1 mile/1½km] thirty city blocks [3 miles/5km] ten miles [16km] further than ten miles [16km] I haven’t the slightest clue • Would you like to take the next survey? Click HERE for Issue 5's Survey II. Find Out First! Get an e-mail the moment a new issue of EvilPasta comes out! Sign up HERE!

	More Murphy's Law 101 • Murphy's Constant: Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value. • Murphy's Law of Copiers: The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance. • Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics: Things get worse under pressure. • Corollary of Inverse Distances: The farther away from the entrance that you have to park, the closer the space vacated by the car that pulls away as you walk up to the door. • Approval Seeker's Law: Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least. • Law of Civilization: It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. • Army Axiom: Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood. • Army Law: If it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move, pick it up; if you can't pick it up, paint it. • Consumer's Rule: Never decide to buy something while listening to the salesman. • Newspaper Obituary Law: If you want your name spelled wrong, die. • Comment on Power and Influence: Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely. • Astrology Law: It's always the wrong time of the month. • Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer… provided, of course, that you know there is a problem. • The Pyramid Progression: The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of (1) a date, (2) his wife, and (3) a better looking and richer male friend. • Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Click Here to go further in depth in our course on Murphy's Law!

	Picture Of The Week But shhh... it's a secret!

	The next time your job prospects seem grim, keep in mind you're probably up against this sort of individual... You Haven't Made the Short List

	More Murphy's Law 101 For your benefit, EvilPasta offers this additional crash course on Murphy's Law and its wide array of applications. Be enlightened.

	"The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children." —King Edward VIII

	Declaration of Independence A management analyst's critical response to the Declaration of Independence.

	Where an Apple is nothing more than gravity fruit. Layman's Glossary of Computer Terms

	I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

	A scientist was talking to God, and said, "God, we don't really need you anymore. We can make Man ourselves..." Playing Dirty With the Competition

	15 Ways To Confuse Your Roomate Whatever your reasoning or purpose may be, you should find this practical guide peculiarly useful.

	Army Basic Training for the Barney Generation: "Remember, soldiers, after you pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is no longer your friend."

	10 More Ways to Confuse Your Professor Once again, EvilPasta insists that there's no excuse for boredom in the college classroom. Try these on for size the next time you find yourself desperate for entertainment. Your professor will love you for it.

	EvilPasta's Hot Plate... Contribute! EvilPasta is looking for people with a good sense of humor, a spark of creativity, and a hint of randomness to act as regular contributors to our madness. The positions are currently only volunteer, but we promise plenty of recognition, and some sort of fun little compensation in the future. To Apply, simply fill out the short form at EvilPasta's Hot Plate. Click HERE!

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